P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
