I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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