Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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