I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
