i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize