At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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