You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
