She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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