Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
sex in a hospital.. check
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
