Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
