I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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