So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You're like the curious george of whores
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
