Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
