you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
she told me i tasted like america
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize