You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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