his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He did a backflip because drugs
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