it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
