He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
