i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
