Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
