i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
