swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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