We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
