We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
