If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
