I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
