Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
