I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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