you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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