i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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