It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
a search helicopter?!
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
