wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Randomize