Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
