This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
