I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
