okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
