her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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