I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Randomize
