well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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