If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
