It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
