I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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