no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
