Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Im part way to drunk.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
