I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
