Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize