Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My liver just broke up with me...
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
