ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
