i think my mom watched the whole time
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
