you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
