I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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