You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
