Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
