8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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