No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
