Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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