Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
