Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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