If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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