I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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