you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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