somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
