he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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