found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize