# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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