I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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