i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
