I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
