I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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