I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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