Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I deserve to be covered in dicks
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
