please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
