is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize