I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She bit a glass in half.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
