Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
