Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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