I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize