remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
third nipple confirmed
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
