She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Everclear isn't food dammit
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
