just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
