Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry ChuckFinley hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(440): View more from Ohio

And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link

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(541): View more from Oregon

Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.

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(305): View more from Florida

She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.

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(817): View more from Texas

just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.

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(785): View more from Kansas

sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time

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(949): View more from California

My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.

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(504): View more from Louisiana

seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.

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(563): View more from Iowa

I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.

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