I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
