i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
love makes seman taste better
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
