Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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