And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
