You're my little dorito
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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