Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
