Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
My life is pants optional.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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