Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
